Association

The public eye is evil... that's why the 'evil eye' talisman was created, right?  So that we might have a way to ward off all of the negativity that this world encompasses.  If only it was that easy.
I'm single so that means that I'm dating every thing male that comes close to me right?  No.  Fck No.  hahahahaha. No. You see a male and a female together, it's automatically assumed that they're 'together'.  Who cares if it's my cousin, sibling, or my friend since I was 10?

Growing up with 2 male cousins and a brother, I have always been a bit of a tomboy.  The girl who likes boyish things, but looks like a girl.  I've only had 3 manicures in my life (Prom and 2 weddings).  Astonishing.

Because I hang out with guys, there are some girls who loathe me.  Some of them are my friends!  What you see and what it is reality is deceiving.

Earlier this year, within a span of a week during a snowboarding trip, I received comments from 3 different guys.

"I look over and you're cutting your steak and drinking beer like a guy.. made me feel like a pansy"
"Becky.. You're a good Bro."
"You would make a good husband"

I think it's quite funny that I was associated with 5 different guys in a short span of time once... Who has that kind of time?!

Nice to be associated with you.

Fucks

Reposting something that I read a couple weeks ago that I thought was quite entertaining...

"You're born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card.  You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers' opinions.  You give away too many fucks about way too many things, you have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them.  You allocate fucks to family and career, but then there aren't enough fucks left to give to the newest fads.  Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that's outside my job title?  I'll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight.  Then, as you get even older, you're down to 1-2 fucks a month, and those fucks are damn precious.  You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that's kinda it.  It's not your fault - fucks expire too quickly, I would've liked to save my fucks from when I was younger, but I can't.  Then, you hit fuck insolvency.  You're getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last.  So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can't give a fuck.  Some people run out really quickly, some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age.  But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you're out of fucks to give.  It's just basic fuckonomics."

I will give as many fucks to you as you give to me. boom. golden rule :)

Mirror

I see you. You look at me as if you don't know me but I know you. It's an interesting game that we play. Who will look away the fastest? Who will smile first? Who will lose this staring contest? But we do everything simultaneously, so who's the winner?

Until we meet again, my dear.

Alone

I am alone, but not lonely.  Funny that these words use the same root and have the same base meaning, but I can tell them apart easily.  Alone is a state of being.  Loneliness is a state of mind.  I felt the loneliest a couple years ago during a two-almost three year relationship.  Fascinating, isn't it?  The person who I shared my life with made me feel like I was kept in the deepest darkest corner of the room.   Intentionally or not, I refuse to go back to that place.  Hah.  I'm afraid of the dark. :(

Loneliness is the isolation that comes with nursing a feeling unreturned- an expectation unmet. There's a void that's yearning to be filled when you're lonely.  On the other hand, there's a strange bliss that's associated with being alone when you've embraced it.  In some ways, being alone is empowering.  It's being honestly and unapologetically content with your own company.  

I enjoy being alone, but that doesn't mean I am always alone.  I still take pleasure in the company of my friends and family.  I am still entertained by meeting new people and sharing moments with others.  But when the day ends, I am still utterly content with being alone.

There's a quote that I stumbled upon earlier this year that I can relate to.

"My alone feels so good that I will only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude" Warsan Shire

Happy Again

Coming from someone who has gotten over it.

No matter how bad it hurts or how bad you feel, it's time to stop thinking about that person who played with your feelings, who took your love for granted, who didn't appreciated your care, who wasn't content with what you could give him or her.  You can't stay in that hurtful place anymore.  You can't keep shedding tears over someone who doesn't deserve the love you give.  You can't keep feeling sorry for yourself and thinking if only you did more.  You can't make them want the relationship because if they wanted they wouldn't have let go of you.  You deserve better now.  You deserve someone who appreciates you and won't play with your delicate heart... Just like a cut on your hand will need time to heal, your broken heart needs time to heal as well. It's not the end of your life, but the end of a chapter.  You will get over that pain you're having right now and one day you will be happy again.

Silence

I usually say that "I don't care" but in truth, that's just a reply.  I do care.  It has crossed my mind.  I have thought about it.  I've analyzed it for as much as I can, but I don't let it bother me.  I guess I've come to a point in my life where I know that I don't have control over certain things.  I have to let it be, so that's where my silence comes in to play.  I am silent because my opinion shouldn't matter and if you wanted my opinion, then you would ask for it.  I am not as heartless as many of my friends would take me as.  Why stress about something that you don't have control over?  Why should you let it affect you?  Just think about it... certain things just don't deserve your energy.

Fine line

Not my friend. Acquaintance. Friends. Good Friends. Best friends. More than Friends. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. There’s a fine line between all of these.  Organize accordingly. 

Nerves

Nerves. Nervous? It happens. I think it's funny when I claim to 'know' someone, but I can get tongue tied and uncomfortable around the person.  It rarely happens with my closest friends because they actually know me.  They know what I'm thinking without having me say anything, but to others that may only know my face, I always feel like I have something to prove or defend.  Can you relate to this?  Simple questions can sound complicated to me.  Are they asking about the whole story?  Do we have time for me to tell the whole story?  Do they care to listen to the whole story?  Or should I just tell part of it, but have them wonder about the rest?  I guess that's when my nerves come out to play.  It's tough to not wonder about how people may perceive you.  How will these people interpret my thoughts?

Action

I understand that people have a lot of wants, but the difference between ‘want’ and ‘will’ is the action of doing.  Actions will always speak louder than words.  Prioritize.  Make a plan.  Execute.

If you really wanted to do something, you would make it happen.  

I'm a runner

I go at my own pace...
don't care how long it takes...
or if I'm in last place...
one day, I'll win this race...
but baby, I don't chase.

Scientist

This ridiculous person is a scientist.  As amusing as it may seem, it's in my nature to collect cold hard facts before forming a conclusion. If things don’t add up, I’ll keep researching until it makes sense.  Words aren't worth much if there is no value behind them.  It's frightening how many people can jump to conclusions based on empty words.  For everyone's best interest, please, don't take things seriously until it has been proven.  

Goals

Unknowingly, people may put you down because they may not want to risk as much as you are to achieve your goal.  People with the best intentions will put aside their feelings and push you to be better… push you higher.  Even if it’s a simple ‘you can do it’-  Yeah, you can be a realist and weigh the pros and cons, but if you don’t get yourself out there and do it, how can you prove people wrong?  Your goals and ambition belong to you and only you.  At the end of the day, it's your fight, not theirs.

In my opinion…

Today’s society is full of unsupported biased assumptions and expectations.  Why don’t we just go to the source for the answers?  Many of us don't because it makes us feel vulnerable when we leave our comfort zone.  Instead, we listen to other’s opinions to form our own not realizing that the opinion is biased.  With that said, I truly believe that the way people form opinions reflect on how they perceive the world.  Personal experiences weigh immensely on our thoughts.  Experience everything (hobbies, people, culture, etc) first hand before making any solid judgments. In the end, I think we should all stay open minded.